I had a dream last night that I was wondering alone on a huge mountain created by Him, midgets as far as the eye could see. As I reached the top of the mountain, I saw a stove. On top of the stove was a pan of spaghetti, burning with a strange light, and while the spaghetti was certainly on fire, it did not burn. I thought to myself, "wtf?", so I went over to have a look. As I got closer, I noticed 2 enormous bread sticks lying on the ground directly in front of me, with writing on them in a strange red sauce. Immediately, I heard a voice. "Take these writings which I have laid out for you and spread their teachings to the masses." "Who are you?" I asked. "I AM WHO I AM!" this voice replied, and I was filled with wonder. Slowly, I picked up the 2 breadsticks, taking in their meaning with an artificial quickness, almost as if He embedded the words directly in my mind. With a flash, everything was gone, and I was left gasping for breath in bed. I wondered to myself if it was a dream. Then, I noticed the red stains on my sheets and the breadcrumbs in my bed... Below is what He has asked me to pass on to you.
1. Thou shalt have no other pasta before me. 2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord my Pasta in vain. 3. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven foods, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them for breakfast, lunch or dinner. 4. Remember the sabbath day, eat lots of pasta. 5. Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be filled with sauce 6. Thou shalt not mix white and red sauces. 7. Thou shalt use plenty of garlic in all your cookings. 8. Thou shalt not steal thy neighbors pasta. 9. Rule 8 doesn't count if he isn't looking. 10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's pasta, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's sauce, nor his maid, nor his cook, nor his garlic, nor his breadsticks, nor anything. 11. Thou shalt not... wait, that was already ten, nevermind.
*Building the church may and quite possibly will include buying Knightmare a Ferrari.